Happy?

An Emotional Stalemate

For the first time in a while, I have calmed down. It seems as if a wave of realisations have washed over me, thanks in part to this site I've kept. I no longer suffer from the pain of the past's unknowns, yet knowledge of my pain does not eliminate it. I have been somewhat happy lately. Lucidly happy, I should say, not the fake smile kind that I put on to get through social situations. But still I have to deal with the consequences of the pain I have suffered. The horrible things that have moulded me into who I am now are seemingly inseparable from myself. It is such a horrible understanding to have that your entire self is built upon your own torture. I don't want to be this way. But I have to accept it.

Still, I am contented with the closure this knowledge brings. Though I am aware of so much pain, at least I finally know who I am.

At last, I am able to be true to myself.

Can you?

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